Category Archives: grief

All the Clichés

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Last summer was the beginning of the end for my 18 year relationship with Alex. We struggled through the hot months with hurting hearts. Then, right before out baby girl turned 8, we separated, and he moved out. I’ve felt grief before but this loss, the loss of our family, our future together, our normal, pulled me deep down into depression. I knew that this was going to be one of the most difficult times in my life.

And it has been.

However, here I am, remembering how much I struggled to keep my head above water and suddenly I’ve realized how amazing this journey has been as well.

I don’t mean to go all “Stella got her Groove Back” on you, but the journey has held equal parts pain and joy. Loss and discovery. “Know the bad times so you can appreciate the good” and all the other clichés.

On the lighter side, I’m playing my recital, again, for another venue! Also, my hip was hurting again (pinched sciatic nerve) but I’m back on my feet and ready to get back on track for the Tour de Tucson! A TRO woodwind quintet has been created, I’m Super Duper excited to play in a quintet this summer.

I have more excitement coming this summer but I’ll wait to talk about it until it nailed down.

And here are some happy pictures.

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Friends and Pets

 

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You don’t put words in people’s mouths, you put *turkey* in people’s mouths!”

Sorry, I couldn’t resist a Friend’s quote with this picture.

This handsome bird was in the backyard of Ara’s friend and as I tried to take his picture I missed that murderous look in his eye. So when he attacked my camera lens with his beak I was so surprised I screamed. Then I dissolved into hysterical laughter and looked like a crazy lady. Next time I pick a camera I may re-think getting a read one. So far a horse has tried to eat it and a turkey has attacked it!

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Ara’s friends also have goats, who thought my red camera was possibly a delicious treat. I never noticed that goats have such different looking pupils. Very interesting!

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It’s not really a party until you jump off of a giant tree stump, is it?


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I love watching Ara and her friends play.

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What a wonderful time childhood is.

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After the party we visited my Sister who is moving to a different house. Their U-Haul was WELL guarded against marauders. That is, IF you could sneak by the vicious guard dog…

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My Sister and I decided that if happiness were to take solid shape, it would look like this dog.

We dog-sat Windy while they moved. For three days we got to pet furry happiness! I even took her inside Trader Joe’s. I got a few looks but most people just commented on how adorable she looked in her hoodie sweat shirt. Oh Windy.

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On that same day, I took my nephew to put his cat Fuzzy-Fox-Tail to sleep. It was a tough tough thing, but the right thing. Fuzzy had liver disease and was no longer able to keep any food down. He was the son of Lucy, the cat my Sister and I had shared custody of and who also died too young of mysterious liver problems. Alex calls pets little tragedies because we love them so and they can’t live as long as we do. I’ve been seeing Fuzzy in my dreams a lot since that day. I really do believe he’s in a better place. And I hope he sends Lucy my love.

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I came home and hugged my Kitty Kuku so tightly and so long that he was forced to give me looks of contempt while purring loudly.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. We’re spending it with Alex family this year but I’m hoping I can go to the dog shelter in the morning. Dogs are always thankful!IMG_4804

Gobble gobble!

Lucy

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Lucy, my Sister’s cat who lived with us for a few years has passed away.  I have been crying all day.  She was a special cat.  I had her through my pregnancy and she seemed to understand what I needed (lots of love).  She would lay on my belly and purr (and make Ara kick) even though she was hardly a lap kitty.  Towards the end of my pregnancy Lucy became really possessive of me.  If I spent any time with my cat Chester she would beat the stuffing out of him.  It got to the point that we started to worry she would have jealously issues with the baby when she came.  So we gave Lucy back to my sister.  I cried the whole day until Alex came home from work.  Then we packed Lucy up, and dropped her off with my Sister.  I went into labor later that night and Lucy has been with my sister ever since. 

I called her ‘Luce Luce’ and ‘Sassy Frass’ and she was the only cat Alex has ever really liked (barring the speaker wire chewing).  I’m just really sad and shocked that she’s gone. 

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She will be remembered as sweet, weird, crazy, and wonderful.  And she will be missed.

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