Last summer was the beginning of the end for my 18 year relationship with Alex. We struggled through the hot months with hurting hearts. Then, right before out baby girl turned 8, we separated, and he moved out. I’ve felt grief before but this loss, the loss of our family, our future together, our normal, pulled me deep down into depression. I knew that this was going to be one of the most difficult times in my life.
And it has been.
However, here I am, remembering how much I struggled to keep my head above water and suddenly I’ve realized how amazing this journey has been as well.
I don’t mean to go all “Stella got her Groove Back” on you, but the journey has held equal parts pain and joy. Loss and discovery. “Know the bad times so you can appreciate the good” and all the other clichés.
On the lighter side, I’m playing my recital, again, for another venue! Also, my hip was hurting again (pinched sciatic nerve) but I’m back on my feet and ready to get back on track for the Tour de Tucson! A TRO woodwind quintet has been created, I’m Super Duper excited to play in a quintet this summer.
I have more excitement coming this summer but I’ll wait to talk about it until it nailed down.
And here are some happy pictures.
Well, I killed my hard drive and that hasn’t helped my blogging backlog. I lost every single picture and video and audiobook for the last several months. Pictures of Christmas! It’s too sad, I can’t dwell on it.
Anyway, until I get everything back to speed I thought I would post a little about the new Christmas CD I played on!
It’s another collection of pieces to go with Alan Alexander’s flute and guitar books. This time we recorded each track independently so that the left and right channels can be turned down for practicing purposes. I know it’s not Christmas time anymore and if you’re like me you die inside for every post season verse of Jingle Bells that you hear, but I promise this music is real music and won’t make you die! I personally think it’s beautiful, but you can listen for yourself!
I’m up and around and healing nicely! And I just started practicing today for the things that are looming and have been weighing on my mind. Since I couldn’t actually play flute for these past weeks I have been doing something I used to do in the school days when I was short on time. Practice my brain! It may sound strange but for me, it’s really about the mental preparation. If I am familiar with a piece and I’ve looked the part over with a critical eye the result will be worth a few hours of actual practice. So I laid around and multitasked healing my wounds and listening to and looking at my music. I’m so excited to have some things to even practice for, to tell the truth. I am happy to be playing a short opera, the next meeting of the Tucson Rep Orch, and since the quintet did finally meet I have some pieces for them as well. Very excited for all those things!
I gave Ara her first ‘real’ recorder lesson today. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’ve waited this long to be serious about her musical education. I have my reasons, and I’ll admit that among them was a lack of desire to force her to sit still and listen to me. Then, last night she saw me setting up chairs for a lesson and she said she wished that she had a flute lesson tomorrow! So I made a big deal about scheduling a lesson for her. I put her name officially on my lesson schedule, made up an info sheet for her, and prepared a lesson plan. Then I insisted that she behave as she would for any other teacher and I tried very hard to treat her like a real student. I think she enjoyed the lesson and we accomplished a good amount. I’m focusing on a giving her a solid foundation in musical theory so that she can switch to what ever instrument she wants when the time comes. For now, we’re learning on recorder with some basic piano. There is something so deeply satisfying about passing on your knowledge to your child. I don’t know what she will choose to do with her life but I hope that music will be a part of it.
After the lesson Ara was in a great mood and she asked if she could make dinner for our family. She chose to make ww pita pizzas and the care she took creating shapes with cheese was so cute. While I was recovering I taught her how to make her own microwave oatmeal and that has sort of been the catalyst for a theme of independence in her. She’s even been making breakfast for me in the mornings!
Ok I’m exhausted, time to sleep!
I recently met with 3 other people to discuss starting a quintet. That’s a really exciting sentence for me to type. I need a moment to savor it’s sweetness.
Okay, so, we met at a coffee house and introduced ourselves. We discussed some previous experiences, goals for a quintet, possible horn players, and places to rehearse. All this talk about a new quintet makes me think about my old group, the good ol’Kachinas! And today, when our first rehearsal was canceled I was so disappointed I scraped open my filing cabinet and pulled out a folder full of photocopied music with scribbles all over it (like in the picture). Yes, I saved photocopied music from waaaay back in the ol college days and yes I played through it ALL along with a recording of the old days.
I love how the pencil markings illustrate what a strange minded person I am. You can see the name Charles twice which was the clarinet player (AKA Sir), you can see the word ‘count’ which is hilarious, also written are the words ‘sneak, watch, me, and numbers. Maybe all that isn’t funny if you’re not a musician, I don’t know, maybe it’s not funny to musicians either! Either way, it’s funny to me. I miss the old dudes from Kachina and I sincerely hope this new group gets off the ground. I’m super excited to play!